I was one of the many, many people who got caught off guard and out of the country by an unforeseen volcano incident…
It was an interesting experience. As someone who has built their life in such a way that they can be as autonomous as possible having to accept that for a short while my future was both uncertain and in someone else’s hands was a novelty to say the least. It required a new way of looking at things, an acceptance and although I wouldn’t want to do it on a regular basis it was undeniably a useful experience. Certainly it allowed me to shift my perspective on my world for a little while and in so doing gave me an objectivity impossible in more normal circumstances.
However the real eye opener was the discovery that I am in fact dispensable…this company that I have built up from the first day of its existence and that I devote most of my waking hours to managed perfectly well without me…sessions were delivered, work was generated, projects were maintained. I wasn’t needed. It’s quite the revelation. Undermining and liberating all at the same time. If not being in charge of my destiny shifted my perspective being dispensable blew it apart…
A number of emotions have gone with this…gratitude and admiration for the people that kept everything going, appreciation of the working culture we have established that formed such a solid foundation, an unavoidable element of vulnerability and a desire to build on what happened as I’m certain the insights we all got pave the way for a more far reaching, ambitious and successful company.
I like it when in the midst of confusion and challenge unlooked for insights are bestowed and as a consequence discoveries are made and progress is achieved. I also like the fact that I’m back and I can capitalise on everything that been accomplished in my absence and on the heightened awareness that absence and new perspectives can bring.
Tuesday 27 April 2010
Thursday 8 April 2010
Vanquished ghouls...
Today I have beaten a ghoul that has haunted me for a couple of months and as I sit and celebrate it with a cup of tea and some left over Easter chocolate I thought I’d blog about it...
It has occurred to me as a result of this destructive relationship I now realise I have unwittingly been part of that most of us live with a variety of ghouls that have a range of personas. From the obvious dark shadows such as our inadequate bank balances, concerns about people we are close to and the threats to our safety to the more insidious malevolent spirits that appear as feelings of self doubt and holistic dilemmas about our place in the universe. However as a general rule we manage them, control them, deal with them and somehow come to accept them as constant aspects in our lives. It seems we accept that somehow in amongst the positives and joys that also make up our existence these negative aspects make us a whole person…a balanced individual that has depth and understanding and empathy for our fellow men and women…certainly as artists and creative practitioners insight into all sort of lives both tragic and joyous give us a vital rounded view of the world we can then use as our inspiration…
All this aside there is something magic about laying one of the ghouls to rest, even if it’s just for a while…even if it’s not permanent…and now with the click of the email that signified that my doctorate proposal is completed and sent I have that lightness that comes with the absence of a ghoul and all the heaviness it brought with it…a weight I now realise I have been carrying around with me for quite some time…yes there maybe more work to do…yes some of the feedback I get on it maybe negative but for now…it is done.
The discovery I celebrate today is not a new one…still I feel strangely liberated in it’s rediscovery, is this: It really is worth facing the ghouls and sooner rather than later and the subsequent promise I make to myself is that I’m going to enjoy the lightness of this day, minus one of my usual dark presences before I let another ghoul creep in to take its place and also that I will endeavour to vanquish that one when it arrives as soon as I possibly can…
It has occurred to me as a result of this destructive relationship I now realise I have unwittingly been part of that most of us live with a variety of ghouls that have a range of personas. From the obvious dark shadows such as our inadequate bank balances, concerns about people we are close to and the threats to our safety to the more insidious malevolent spirits that appear as feelings of self doubt and holistic dilemmas about our place in the universe. However as a general rule we manage them, control them, deal with them and somehow come to accept them as constant aspects in our lives. It seems we accept that somehow in amongst the positives and joys that also make up our existence these negative aspects make us a whole person…a balanced individual that has depth and understanding and empathy for our fellow men and women…certainly as artists and creative practitioners insight into all sort of lives both tragic and joyous give us a vital rounded view of the world we can then use as our inspiration…
All this aside there is something magic about laying one of the ghouls to rest, even if it’s just for a while…even if it’s not permanent…and now with the click of the email that signified that my doctorate proposal is completed and sent I have that lightness that comes with the absence of a ghoul and all the heaviness it brought with it…a weight I now realise I have been carrying around with me for quite some time…yes there maybe more work to do…yes some of the feedback I get on it maybe negative but for now…it is done.
The discovery I celebrate today is not a new one…still I feel strangely liberated in it’s rediscovery, is this: It really is worth facing the ghouls and sooner rather than later and the subsequent promise I make to myself is that I’m going to enjoy the lightness of this day, minus one of my usual dark presences before I let another ghoul creep in to take its place and also that I will endeavour to vanquish that one when it arrives as soon as I possibly can…
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