Gosh! It’s been a whole month since I last wrote...this is terribly neglectful so I apologise…sorry... The good news is that it isn’t because I have nothing to write about, in fact, the last four weeks have been packed with so many opportunities, developments and events. No, I think the reason I haven’t logged on to record my reflections for so long is because there has almost been too much going on to be able to reflect on any one thing in a meaningful way. This must change as experience has taught me a lack of reflection for a prolonged period of time normally results in temporary insanity…
There is a relevant point to note in amongst all of this activity (I refrained from typing chaos but only just) and to that end this post becomes almost an epilogue to the last one…
After I had posted “Walking Away,” I was genuinely touched by both the positive comments and RT’s and by the genuine concern of readers. In light of this I feel it’s only fair to let you all know that walking away was every bit as positive as I hoped it would be. Since we made that decision all sorts of opportunities have opened up for us and since we’re not mentally and emotionally exhausted as a result of having to deal with an organisation that has no consideration, respect or vision we’ve been able to make the most of them…
There are so many bright things on the horizon and all of them doing what I genuinely love: I’ve been commissioned to write two plays in the last month…I’ve had the chance to work with other practitioners who’ve inspired me and my work is definitely beginning to develop a national profile. We have funding to create our first 6 podcasts… The solo shows are well on the way and many schools in the area are already behind the project. You see…the whole thing makes me wonder why it took us so long in the first place…of course nothing is perfect…it would be good to not be quite so precariously poised financially…but never the less this feels much more like the life I intended to live and far from the trap we were being driven into…so yeah a month into the new chapter and all is well…I’ll keep you posted…
Sunday, 21 February 2010
Thursday, 21 January 2010
Walking Away
I was going to write this last week, in the moment so to speak, however it was in danger of being far too bleak a blog to inflict on the wider world. Instead I waited for things to shift and shuffle in my head, as I knew they eventually would, in order to balance the bleakness before I reported in.
Last week the relationship with someone Yew Tree had been working with for a significant length of time finally broke down and we were forced to walk away from the partnership. This induced a sickening feeling both on a personal level, as we had a great deal of shared history with this organisation and also on a financial one – in a climate like this walking away from business seems almost like professional suicide.
However despite all of this bleakness there was something infinitely empowering about saying enough is enough. We had got into a pattern within this relationship of consistent compromising, of being backed into corner, of operating in a perpetual circle of frustration and vulnerability. The feeling of release that followed our exit has turned out to feel much less like committing professional suicide than I feared; in fact it almost feels a little like redemption.
In the midst of such positivity I imagine you’re questioning whether the bleakness was worth mentioning. However it does play a significant role. It made its presence felt in the last bout of frustration that characterised the death throws of the partnership. The other party refused to see why we would feel the need to go, why we wouldn’t just do what they asked. Consequently our attempt at gracefully backing out whilst trying to maintain a modicum of good will amounted to nothing. As someone who strives to reduce ill will in the world this was a less than positive outcome and all the usual blame and self doubt temporarily kicked in. See bleakness in all its grey, sinister insidiousness.
The last piece of the jigsaw for this particular set of thoughts came last night at a forum of creative young people where I was chairing a discussion with a professional in the field many of them aspire to be successful in. It occurred to me that if you’re certain of what’s important to you, if you’re clear about what is valuable then you’re in a much better position to embark on the adventure, appreciate the moments and take the risks. Moreover you have solid foundations on which to make a stand if such a thing becomes necessary.
So…we move onto the next chapter…free of the fetters of someone who had ceased to understand and value what we do…and this feels good…
Last week the relationship with someone Yew Tree had been working with for a significant length of time finally broke down and we were forced to walk away from the partnership. This induced a sickening feeling both on a personal level, as we had a great deal of shared history with this organisation and also on a financial one – in a climate like this walking away from business seems almost like professional suicide.
However despite all of this bleakness there was something infinitely empowering about saying enough is enough. We had got into a pattern within this relationship of consistent compromising, of being backed into corner, of operating in a perpetual circle of frustration and vulnerability. The feeling of release that followed our exit has turned out to feel much less like committing professional suicide than I feared; in fact it almost feels a little like redemption.
In the midst of such positivity I imagine you’re questioning whether the bleakness was worth mentioning. However it does play a significant role. It made its presence felt in the last bout of frustration that characterised the death throws of the partnership. The other party refused to see why we would feel the need to go, why we wouldn’t just do what they asked. Consequently our attempt at gracefully backing out whilst trying to maintain a modicum of good will amounted to nothing. As someone who strives to reduce ill will in the world this was a less than positive outcome and all the usual blame and self doubt temporarily kicked in. See bleakness in all its grey, sinister insidiousness.
The last piece of the jigsaw for this particular set of thoughts came last night at a forum of creative young people where I was chairing a discussion with a professional in the field many of them aspire to be successful in. It occurred to me that if you’re certain of what’s important to you, if you’re clear about what is valuable then you’re in a much better position to embark on the adventure, appreciate the moments and take the risks. Moreover you have solid foundations on which to make a stand if such a thing becomes necessary.
So…we move onto the next chapter…free of the fetters of someone who had ceased to understand and value what we do…and this feels good…
Sunday, 3 January 2010
Taking Myself Seriously
The New Year has dawned and with it the onslaught of a myriad of promises to the unseen judges about what we’re going to do better this year that we failed at last year. This new beginning is further accentuated as it heralds the start of a new decade as well as a new year. Somehow the promises seem to need greater gravitas, not least because when you think about where you were when the Millennium dawned it emphasises just how quickly time is careering ever onwards.
It took me a while, hence why I’m writing this on the third not the first of January, but I’ve finally thought of a meaningful resolution for 2010. By meaningful I mean something that I haven’t had before and actually feel inspired to do something about. There’s no massive reveal here as it’s in the title of the blog…this year I’m going to take myself more seriously…specifically as a writer.
This was the way my thought process went…
I was reading a blog by a playwright and falling into my usual wistful “Wouldn’t it be lovely to be a recognised writer of theatre…” At this point, if it had been a film, there would have been a jarring abrupt end to the wistful underscoring soundtrack as I realised that in effect I am just that. I’ve written countless plays that have been performed all over the region and received gratifyingly positive responses. I am, in fact, a playwright I just don’t think of myself as one…whenever I get a commission for a new play or an accolade for my writing I respond by feeling lucky. I don’t respond as a writer who expects such things to happen. In fact I’ve been known to visibly quake at the audacity of claiming such a title.
The reason why I feel I need to take myself seriously now is simply that I want to do more. I have things to say and I enjoy putting them in a form that communicates and engages with people. I know that my work has elicited a real response from people and even more importantly enabled people to question or shift their perceptions of their world. I can’t build on this with luck as my only foundation. As a director and trainer I talk so much about the way mind sets influence lives and yet here I am doing exactly what I tell others holds them back. Well no more…from today I accept the title and all it entitles me to and in doing this I look forward to a wealth of opportunities in 2010 to do exactly what I love to do…
It took me a while, hence why I’m writing this on the third not the first of January, but I’ve finally thought of a meaningful resolution for 2010. By meaningful I mean something that I haven’t had before and actually feel inspired to do something about. There’s no massive reveal here as it’s in the title of the blog…this year I’m going to take myself more seriously…specifically as a writer.
This was the way my thought process went…
I was reading a blog by a playwright and falling into my usual wistful “Wouldn’t it be lovely to be a recognised writer of theatre…” At this point, if it had been a film, there would have been a jarring abrupt end to the wistful underscoring soundtrack as I realised that in effect I am just that. I’ve written countless plays that have been performed all over the region and received gratifyingly positive responses. I am, in fact, a playwright I just don’t think of myself as one…whenever I get a commission for a new play or an accolade for my writing I respond by feeling lucky. I don’t respond as a writer who expects such things to happen. In fact I’ve been known to visibly quake at the audacity of claiming such a title.
The reason why I feel I need to take myself seriously now is simply that I want to do more. I have things to say and I enjoy putting them in a form that communicates and engages with people. I know that my work has elicited a real response from people and even more importantly enabled people to question or shift their perceptions of their world. I can’t build on this with luck as my only foundation. As a director and trainer I talk so much about the way mind sets influence lives and yet here I am doing exactly what I tell others holds them back. Well no more…from today I accept the title and all it entitles me to and in doing this I look forward to a wealth of opportunities in 2010 to do exactly what I love to do…
Monday, 21 December 2009
To be of service...
This blog has been a long time coming…in that there’s been half an idea floating around in my head for almost a week. However this morning the last piece of inspiration I needed appeared, in a ridiculously busy supermarket of all places, allowing me to finally put metaphorical pen to paper.
The initial inspiration was the culmination of a project that had run throughout December. I had been working with a group of adults recovering from mental health issues to produce a Christmas celebration. It is rare that both the process and the product in an arts project are equally fulfilling but this was one of those projects. For the purposes of this reflection it is the product that is the focus and on this occasion the product was indeed a celebration. It took the form of performance…of the dramatic, musical and dancing persuasion and in addition it took the form of an entire community coming together. This was only made possible by the willingness of everyone to do things for others. They cooked for each other, they solved problems for each other and they supported each other in thought, word and deed. They were of service to each other and it was a wonderful thing to behold. The result was a room full of happy people who for the hours the celebration lasted forgot about hierarchy’s, status, history and protocol and simply enjoyed each other’s company. The magic of Christmas made manifest.
And the supermarket? A much more minor incident but still…I was waiting in the Christmas shopping madness when the woman in front of me at the checkout spoke to me. She was driven to conversing with a complete stranger through her frustration at forgetting something. When I found out what it was I offered to go and get it for her…she accepted and the problem was fixed. When it was my turn through the checkout the assistant asked if I knew that the woman I’d helped thought I worked there. The logic I suppose is obvious, why would I help her if I didn’t? Why would someone offer to do something just because they could? It’s a shame really but on a positive note it has motivated me even more to be of service whenever possible…the effort it takes is usually minimal and the results can be magic…
The initial inspiration was the culmination of a project that had run throughout December. I had been working with a group of adults recovering from mental health issues to produce a Christmas celebration. It is rare that both the process and the product in an arts project are equally fulfilling but this was one of those projects. For the purposes of this reflection it is the product that is the focus and on this occasion the product was indeed a celebration. It took the form of performance…of the dramatic, musical and dancing persuasion and in addition it took the form of an entire community coming together. This was only made possible by the willingness of everyone to do things for others. They cooked for each other, they solved problems for each other and they supported each other in thought, word and deed. They were of service to each other and it was a wonderful thing to behold. The result was a room full of happy people who for the hours the celebration lasted forgot about hierarchy’s, status, history and protocol and simply enjoyed each other’s company. The magic of Christmas made manifest.
And the supermarket? A much more minor incident but still…I was waiting in the Christmas shopping madness when the woman in front of me at the checkout spoke to me. She was driven to conversing with a complete stranger through her frustration at forgetting something. When I found out what it was I offered to go and get it for her…she accepted and the problem was fixed. When it was my turn through the checkout the assistant asked if I knew that the woman I’d helped thought I worked there. The logic I suppose is obvious, why would I help her if I didn’t? Why would someone offer to do something just because they could? It’s a shame really but on a positive note it has motivated me even more to be of service whenever possible…the effort it takes is usually minimal and the results can be magic…
Wednesday, 2 December 2009
Rising to the challenge...
Izzy is sixteen, she had sex with her boyfriend Si after drinking too much vodka at a party and for a while she thought she might be pregnant. Neither Si or Izzy wanted to rush into having sex but because of pressure from their friends and a belief that everyone else was doing it they did. In the time between sleeping with Si who she had been going out with for several months and the negative pregnancy test Izzy’s life went into fast forward and she grew up immeasurably in a matter of weeks. Despite not being pregnant Izzy can not see how things can go back to the way they were, she feels differently about everything including Si. Their relationship is over, any future they might have had is now impossible and both of them have to reassess their present in light of the consequences of their decisions.
The above is a synopsis of the play, “Say the Words” that Yew Tree is currently touring to great acclaim in the Wakefield district. The three week tour is booked out and over the course of the tour we will perform at 14 schools (including community and hospital schools) in over 40 performances to over 1,400 young people. These numbers make us take it very seriously. From the story development to the writing and directing, to the rehearsals, performance and the workshops we take it very seriously. We take it seriously in terms of every individual who will see it, who we know nothing about and who may have very strong resonances with the subject matter. This is serious stuff we’re exploring, serious and sensitive stuff. Deal with it too lightly and we trivialise something important, deal with it using a heavy hand and we alienate our audience…people we could potentially help and support.
All this considered we could be weighed down so much by the fine nature of the balance between success and failure we could simply cease to function. Cancel everything for fear of getting it wrong, I see this happening so often. Surely however action is the key. Assess the challenges, get a clear picture of the needs, the issues the possible paths to success and the possible pitfalls and then do something, find a creative way to move forward. Already the response to, “Say the Words,” is so very positive and we’ve only just got going. It’s a clear accolade to the philosophy of using a creative approach to a difficult challenge.
We have to keep rising to these challenges in order to allow young people the opportunity to learn about the world they live in and the decisions they’re going to have to make. We have to do this through innovation, through creativity and yes sometimes by taking a risk. The response for our latest project has been positive from the schools but more importantly it’s been positive from the young people, the audience it was created for. Its success is measured by the fact that they are saying the words, talking about the issues, having a voice. However this project is a luxury and it’s a luxury there seems to be less and less of in the current financial and educational climate. Surely there should be more of it…in all aspects of learning…
The above is a synopsis of the play, “Say the Words” that Yew Tree is currently touring to great acclaim in the Wakefield district. The three week tour is booked out and over the course of the tour we will perform at 14 schools (including community and hospital schools) in over 40 performances to over 1,400 young people. These numbers make us take it very seriously. From the story development to the writing and directing, to the rehearsals, performance and the workshops we take it very seriously. We take it seriously in terms of every individual who will see it, who we know nothing about and who may have very strong resonances with the subject matter. This is serious stuff we’re exploring, serious and sensitive stuff. Deal with it too lightly and we trivialise something important, deal with it using a heavy hand and we alienate our audience…people we could potentially help and support.
All this considered we could be weighed down so much by the fine nature of the balance between success and failure we could simply cease to function. Cancel everything for fear of getting it wrong, I see this happening so often. Surely however action is the key. Assess the challenges, get a clear picture of the needs, the issues the possible paths to success and the possible pitfalls and then do something, find a creative way to move forward. Already the response to, “Say the Words,” is so very positive and we’ve only just got going. It’s a clear accolade to the philosophy of using a creative approach to a difficult challenge.
We have to keep rising to these challenges in order to allow young people the opportunity to learn about the world they live in and the decisions they’re going to have to make. We have to do this through innovation, through creativity and yes sometimes by taking a risk. The response for our latest project has been positive from the schools but more importantly it’s been positive from the young people, the audience it was created for. Its success is measured by the fact that they are saying the words, talking about the issues, having a voice. However this project is a luxury and it’s a luxury there seems to be less and less of in the current financial and educational climate. Surely there should be more of it…in all aspects of learning…
Sunday, 22 November 2009
Legacy
My wonderful Grandmother is losing bits of her memory at a rate that has left her a shell of the woman she was less than three years ago. First it was the little facts that disappeared, meaningless trivia that she would need reminding of more than an average amount, even for a woman in her eighties. Then she lost her memories of people she had met in the last decade or two, those who she had known well but not for long. Now in this final stage she has lost us, her immediate family, my daughter is mistaken for me, I am mistaken for my mother and that’s when she finds any resonance with us at all. It’s a sad end to a journey of almost a century.
This week I reconnected with two friends from my life as a student, they reminded me of things that, at the time I knew them, formed pillars of my life. Things that have also been lost to a varying extent in my journey but which have none the less formed and shaped the person I have become. The people and experiences, challenges and successes form a legacy that can be easily lost sight of. In reconnecting with these friends I was aware I also reconnected with a piece of me I hadn’t been aware of for a while, a lighter me, a less complex me, a me that actually could help out the me that is living 15 years on now and again.
All this adds up to the conclusion I made when I was reflecting on this week. Legacy is important and sometimes it’s useful, heartening, rewarding to remember what has made up the journey to the point you call now. Not in a desperate nostalgic way, mourning a past that cannot be regained, instead in an acknowledgement of the pieces that you are made up of. A conscious appreciation of the fragments that make up the whole, before you lose sight of them forever. This combined with a healthy appreciation of the moment you have at your disposal in the present is surely a better alternative, is surely a more rewarding state of mind than reaching for a future you have little control of and may or may not materialise.
This week I reconnected with two friends from my life as a student, they reminded me of things that, at the time I knew them, formed pillars of my life. Things that have also been lost to a varying extent in my journey but which have none the less formed and shaped the person I have become. The people and experiences, challenges and successes form a legacy that can be easily lost sight of. In reconnecting with these friends I was aware I also reconnected with a piece of me I hadn’t been aware of for a while, a lighter me, a less complex me, a me that actually could help out the me that is living 15 years on now and again.
All this adds up to the conclusion I made when I was reflecting on this week. Legacy is important and sometimes it’s useful, heartening, rewarding to remember what has made up the journey to the point you call now. Not in a desperate nostalgic way, mourning a past that cannot be regained, instead in an acknowledgement of the pieces that you are made up of. A conscious appreciation of the fragments that make up the whole, before you lose sight of them forever. This combined with a healthy appreciation of the moment you have at your disposal in the present is surely a better alternative, is surely a more rewarding state of mind than reaching for a future you have little control of and may or may not materialise.
Wednesday, 4 November 2009
Enjoying the view...
In my last blog I talked about people who seem to have made a decision to accept no responsibility whatsoever. As is so often the way of things this week I have been reminded of the inherent dangers when the opposite is the case.
There’s a thing that happens, often with wonderful people, when they get so caught up in their ambition to be as good as they can possibly be they get stalled by the fear of getting things wrong. On the surface this may feel like a fair price to pay until you weigh up precisely what they lose in the process. Instead of exploring they struggle, instead of playing they panic and instead of allowing mistakes to occur (because no one can get things right all the time) they try futilely to lock everything perfectly in place and then get frustrated when perfection doesn’t occur. Their effort and passion, professionalism and energy get deflated instead of being channelled into a rewarding process that will produce infinitely better results.
I think however the main thing they lose is enjoyment in the process, in the journey. In their effort to ensure the destination is the right one and that it comes as soon as possible they forego the opportunity to discover, reflect and enjoy the view as they go. That’s a shame because good things happen on a journey taken willingly, with enthusiasm, and with eyes wide open…things that can surprise and teach and delight us…so my campaign for the week is to enjoy the journey and try and support other people in doing the same…
There’s a thing that happens, often with wonderful people, when they get so caught up in their ambition to be as good as they can possibly be they get stalled by the fear of getting things wrong. On the surface this may feel like a fair price to pay until you weigh up precisely what they lose in the process. Instead of exploring they struggle, instead of playing they panic and instead of allowing mistakes to occur (because no one can get things right all the time) they try futilely to lock everything perfectly in place and then get frustrated when perfection doesn’t occur. Their effort and passion, professionalism and energy get deflated instead of being channelled into a rewarding process that will produce infinitely better results.
I think however the main thing they lose is enjoyment in the process, in the journey. In their effort to ensure the destination is the right one and that it comes as soon as possible they forego the opportunity to discover, reflect and enjoy the view as they go. That’s a shame because good things happen on a journey taken willingly, with enthusiasm, and with eyes wide open…things that can surprise and teach and delight us…so my campaign for the week is to enjoy the journey and try and support other people in doing the same…
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