Walking Away

I was going to write this last week, in the moment so to speak, however it was in danger of being far too bleak a blog to inflict on the wider world. Instead I waited for things to shift and shuffle in my head, as I knew they eventually would, in order to balance the bleakness before I reported in.

Last week the relationship with someone Yew Tree had been working with for a significant length of time finally broke down and we were forced to walk away from the partnership. This induced a sickening feeling both on a personal level, as we had a great deal of shared history with this organisation and also on a financial one – in a climate like this walking away from business seems almost like professional suicide.

However despite all of this bleakness there was something infinitely empowering about saying enough is enough. We had got into a pattern within this relationship of consistent compromising, of being backed into corner, of operating in a perpetual circle of frustration and vulnerability. The feeling of release that followed our exit has turned out to feel much less like committing professional suicide than I feared; in fact it almost feels a little like redemption.

In the midst of such positivity I imagine you’re questioning whether the bleakness was worth mentioning. However it does play a significant role. It made its presence felt in the last bout of frustration that characterised the death throws of the partnership. The other party refused to see why we would feel the need to go, why we wouldn’t just do what they asked. Consequently our attempt at gracefully backing out whilst trying to maintain a modicum of good will amounted to nothing. As someone who strives to reduce ill will in the world this was a less than positive outcome and all the usual blame and self doubt temporarily kicked in. See bleakness in all its grey, sinister insidiousness.

The last piece of the jigsaw for this particular set of thoughts came last night at a forum of creative young people where I was chairing a discussion with a professional in the field many of them aspire to be successful in. It occurred to me that if you’re certain of what’s important to you, if you’re clear about what is valuable then you’re in a much better position to embark on the adventure, appreciate the moments and take the risks. Moreover you have solid foundations on which to make a stand if such a thing becomes necessary.

So…we move onto the next chapter…free of the fetters of someone who had ceased to understand and value what we do…and this feels good…