Taking Myself Seriously

The New Year has dawned and with it the onslaught of a myriad of promises to the unseen judges about what we’re going to do better this year that we failed at last year. This new beginning is further accentuated as it heralds the start of a new decade as well as a new year. Somehow the promises seem to need greater gravitas, not least because when you think about where you were when the Millennium dawned it emphasises just how quickly time is careering ever onwards.

It took me a while, hence why I’m writing this on the third not the first of January, but I’ve finally thought of a meaningful resolution for 2010. By meaningful I mean something that I haven’t had before and actually feel inspired to do something about. There’s no massive reveal here as it’s in the title of the blog…this year I’m going to take myself more seriously…specifically as a writer.

This was the way my thought process went…

I was reading a blog by a playwright and falling into my usual wistful “Wouldn’t it be lovely to be a recognised writer of theatre…” At this point, if it had been a film, there would have been a jarring abrupt end to the wistful underscoring soundtrack as I realised that in effect I am just that. I’ve written countless plays that have been performed all over the region and received gratifyingly positive responses. I am, in fact, a playwright I just don’t think of myself as one…whenever I get a commission for a new play or an accolade for my writing I respond by feeling lucky. I don’t respond as a writer who expects such things to happen. In fact I’ve been known to visibly quake at the audacity of claiming such a title.

The reason why I feel I need to take myself seriously now is simply that I want to do more. I have things to say and I enjoy putting them in a form that communicates and engages with people. I know that my work has elicited a real response from people and even more importantly enabled people to question or shift their perceptions of their world. I can’t build on this with luck as my only foundation. As a director and trainer I talk so much about the way mind sets influence lives and yet here I am doing exactly what I tell others holds them back. Well no more…from today I accept the title and all it entitles me to and in doing this I look forward to a wealth of opportunities in 2010 to do exactly what I love to do…

To be of service...

This blog has been a long time coming…in that there’s been half an idea floating around in my head for almost a week. However this morning the last piece of inspiration I needed appeared, in a ridiculously busy supermarket of all places, allowing me to finally put metaphorical pen to paper.

The initial inspiration was the culmination of a project that had run throughout December. I had been working with a group of adults recovering from mental health issues to produce a Christmas celebration. It is rare that both the process and the product in an arts project are equally fulfilling but this was one of those projects. For the purposes of this reflection it is the product that is the focus and on this occasion the product was indeed a celebration. It took the form of performance…of the dramatic, musical and dancing persuasion and in addition it took the form of an entire community coming together. This was only made possible by the willingness of everyone to do things for others. They cooked for each other, they solved problems for each other and they supported each other in thought, word and deed. They were of service to each other and it was a wonderful thing to behold. The result was a room full of happy people who for the hours the celebration lasted forgot about hierarchy’s, status, history and protocol and simply enjoyed each other’s company. The magic of Christmas made manifest.

And the supermarket? A much more minor incident but still…I was waiting in the Christmas shopping madness when the woman in front of me at the checkout spoke to me. She was driven to conversing with a complete stranger through her frustration at forgetting something. When I found out what it was I offered to go and get it for her…she accepted and the problem was fixed. When it was my turn through the checkout the assistant asked if I knew that the woman I’d helped thought I worked there. The logic I suppose is obvious, why would I help her if I didn’t? Why would someone offer to do something just because they could? It’s a shame really but on a positive note it has motivated me even more to be of service whenever possible…the effort it takes is usually minimal and the results can be magic…

Rising to the challenge...

Izzy is sixteen, she had sex with her boyfriend Si after drinking too much vodka at a party and for a while she thought she might be pregnant. Neither Si or Izzy wanted to rush into having sex but because of pressure from their friends and a belief that everyone else was doing it they did. In the time between sleeping with Si who she had been going out with for several months and the negative pregnancy test Izzy’s life went into fast forward and she grew up immeasurably in a matter of weeks. Despite not being pregnant Izzy can not see how things can go back to the way they were, she feels differently about everything including Si. Their relationship is over, any future they might have had is now impossible and both of them have to reassess their present in light of the consequences of their decisions.

The above is a synopsis of the play, “Say the Words” that Yew Tree is currently touring to great acclaim in the Wakefield district. The three week tour is booked out and over the course of the tour we will perform at 14 schools (including community and hospital schools) in over 40 performances to over 1,400 young people. These numbers make us take it very seriously. From the story development to the writing and directing, to the rehearsals, performance and the workshops we take it very seriously. We take it seriously in terms of every individual who will see it, who we know nothing about and who may have very strong resonances with the subject matter. This is serious stuff we’re exploring, serious and sensitive stuff. Deal with it too lightly and we trivialise something important, deal with it using a heavy hand and we alienate our audience…people we could potentially help and support.

All this considered we could be weighed down so much by the fine nature of the balance between success and failure we could simply cease to function. Cancel everything for fear of getting it wrong, I see this happening so often. Surely however action is the key. Assess the challenges, get a clear picture of the needs, the issues the possible paths to success and the possible pitfalls and then do something, find a creative way to move forward. Already the response to, “Say the Words,” is so very positive and we’ve only just got going. It’s a clear accolade to the philosophy of using a creative approach to a difficult challenge.

We have to keep rising to these challenges in order to allow young people the opportunity to learn about the world they live in and the decisions they’re going to have to make. We have to do this through innovation, through creativity and yes sometimes by taking a risk. The response for our latest project has been positive from the schools but more importantly it’s been positive from the young people, the audience it was created for. Its success is measured by the fact that they are saying the words, talking about the issues, having a voice. However this project is a luxury and it’s a luxury there seems to be less and less of in the current financial and educational climate. Surely there should be more of it…in all aspects of learning…

Legacy

My wonderful Grandmother is losing bits of her memory at a rate that has left her a shell of the woman she was less than three years ago. First it was the little facts that disappeared, meaningless trivia that she would need reminding of more than an average amount, even for a woman in her eighties. Then she lost her memories of people she had met in the last decade or two, those who she had known well but not for long. Now in this final stage she has lost us, her immediate family, my daughter is mistaken for me, I am mistaken for my mother and that’s when she finds any resonance with us at all. It’s a sad end to a journey of almost a century.

This week I reconnected with two friends from my life as a student, they reminded me of things that, at the time I knew them, formed pillars of my life. Things that have also been lost to a varying extent in my journey but which have none the less formed and shaped the person I have become. The people and experiences, challenges and successes form a legacy that can be easily lost sight of. In reconnecting with these friends I was aware I also reconnected with a piece of me I hadn’t been aware of for a while, a lighter me, a less complex me, a me that actually could help out the me that is living 15 years on now and again.

All this adds up to the conclusion I made when I was reflecting on this week. Legacy is important and sometimes it’s useful, heartening, rewarding to remember what has made up the journey to the point you call now. Not in a desperate nostalgic way, mourning a past that cannot be regained, instead in an acknowledgement of the pieces that you are made up of. A conscious appreciation of the fragments that make up the whole, before you lose sight of them forever. This combined with a healthy appreciation of the moment you have at your disposal in the present is surely a better alternative, is surely a more rewarding state of mind than reaching for a future you have little control of and may or may not materialise.

Enjoying the view...

In my last blog I talked about people who seem to have made a decision to accept no responsibility whatsoever. As is so often the way of things this week I have been reminded of the inherent dangers when the opposite is the case.

There’s a thing that happens, often with wonderful people, when they get so caught up in their ambition to be as good as they can possibly be they get stalled by the fear of getting things wrong. On the surface this may feel like a fair price to pay until you weigh up precisely what they lose in the process. Instead of exploring they struggle, instead of playing they panic and instead of allowing mistakes to occur (because no one can get things right all the time) they try futilely to lock everything perfectly in place and then get frustrated when perfection doesn’t occur. Their effort and passion, professionalism and energy get deflated instead of being channelled into a rewarding process that will produce infinitely better results.

I think however the main thing they lose is enjoyment in the process, in the journey. In their effort to ensure the destination is the right one and that it comes as soon as possible they forego the opportunity to discover, reflect and enjoy the view as they go. That’s a shame because good things happen on a journey taken willingly, with enthusiasm, and with eyes wide open…things that can surprise and teach and delight us…so my campaign for the week is to enjoy the journey and try and support other people in doing the same…

Wishful Thinking...?

One of my interests at the moment is where the responsibility for learning lies…is it with the teacher, in whatever guise they might be taking – i.e. trainer, facilitator, workshop leader or is it with the learner…and if the responsibility is a shared one how can that be negotiated successfully?

Yesterday I asked someone a question at the end of a session of training, it was a simple question, “Can you tell me something you’re going to take away from this morning?” It’s a question I usually ask participants at the end of training in order to create an opportunity to consolidate, reflect and reaffirm the explorations and findings of our time together. When I asked this particular person that question, I was more than a little surprised at her reaction. She had such strong resentment at having to answer something she wasn’t sure about. Now I understand her defensiveness was almost certainly covering a host of insecurities but I couldn’t help thinking it was a shame.

The other thing I couldn’t help thinking was a shame was when the group were asked at the start of the training why they were there. A number of participants said, “Because we were told to?” Compare that with some of their colleague’s answers, one of whom said that they were there to, “Learn something new about themselves” and another that said they wanted, “A new look at things.” Now it doesn’t take a genius to see who is going to get the most out of the day…

So this is the thing…before any training is done with a group it occurs to me something much more holistic needs to take place that negates the fear, distrust and resentment that characterises too many people’s attitude to education. That heals the scars left by whatever harmful experiences have led people to a place where opportunities to develop are at best undervalued and at worst identified as something to attack… I also think that somehow the message has to get through that in order to develop ourselves and move forward we have to accept that some responsibility has to fall to us…no matter how good the teacher if we’re not prepared to listen no progress can be made…

I shall end these musings with a wish…I wish that everyone who is given the opportunity to learn, in whatever context, begins that experience with the thought, “What can I get out of today?” What an excellent atmosphere that would create in all the training rooms in all the land…wishful thinking? Possibly…but it is absolutely vital if individuals and organisations are to reach their potential…

"It's our job to entertain. Yours to draw conclusions"

On Wednesday night I went to see The Caucasian Chalk Circle at the West Yorkshire Playhouse. Sometimes when I go to the theatre I come out inspired, sometimes almost asleep and sometimes so frustrated at the quality that is passed off as professional theatre I end up venting my disappointment the entire journey home.

This performance was different; I was left with a sensation difficult to reduce into one word or one sentence, hence the compulsion to spend some time gathering my thoughts in this response.

The first thing that struck me about the production was how relevant the play was to the contemporary audience, despite it being written 65 years ago by a German playwright in exile in America. There was a sense of universality and truth about the play and this production of it that was routed in Brecht’s insightful understanding of humanity and the world we have created.

There were so many seemingly opposing ideas and concepts juxtaposed against each other, resulting in a retelling of the world that made a rare degree of sense. The sobering exposure of how one person will willingly degrade another was married with a story that is ultimately optimistic. The contrast of the poetic nature of reality was placed alongside examples of the petty base nature of humankind. There was violence and romance, betrayal and loyalty, utter greed and selfless sacrifice, justice and inequality and the tinderbox danger of corruption and power. In fact every emotion was contained in the three hours of theatre in a tapestry made richer by the heightened characters and the slightly fantastical nature of Epic theatre.

I was also struck at how the writer, director and company told the story of war on a micro level creating a much deeper understanding of its horrific price than the macro picture of body counts and resource inadequacies painted in our hourly news updates. News updates that we have almost come to accept as part of our daily life and as a result we often fail to register the significance of its content. In contrast I found the careless description of a rape by a morally corrupt soldier, as he chastises a subordinate for not relishing his part in it, abhorrent.

The list of things I took away from my evening at the theatre is substantial, hence my inability to condense. I’ll just mention a couple more of my thoughts before I close. Brecht expertly illustrated the relationship and contrast in between what is said, what is thought, what is felt and what is done. He showed us the necessity of making decisions and the implications of this, that reality often contradicts with our vision of what should be and the need to live with and by the decisions that are made. That the world isn’t perfect but that we have a responsibility to do what we can to make it better, rather than be dragged into the destruction.

I’m not the first practitioner to write about the didactic nature of Brecht’s work and I am nowhere near as knowledgeable as the majority but I felt it important to note that although time has passed, in showing us why things happen in addition to what happens, Brecht still has so much to teach us.

“Singer:
But you who’ve heard the tale
Of the chalk circle
Remember the wisdom of the ages:
That everything
Belongs by right to those who
Care for it:
Children to the motherly
So that the children thrive.
Horses to the good horsemen
So that the horses thrive
And the earth to good farmers
So that the earth may thrive.”

The Caucasian Chalk Circle - Bertolt Brecht